My Own Worst Enemy
by thecornergirl
Summary: AU: Both her birthright and her ultimate curse, Bella knew it was her destiny to protect the rez from the Cold Ones, but all of that changed in the blink of an eye. Never supposed to make contact, an accidental encounter would change everything for them.
1. Chapter 1

**Twilight and all of it's characters belong to S. Meyer**

**A/N:**

_This is a new story that's been floating around my head for a few weeks now, so I thought I'd give it a try. Please remember that it is AU even though a lot of the universe will resemble Meyer's version. Some of the changes I've made from the actual story will be glaringly obvious, others not so much. So if you see something that doesn't match up with Meyer's universe, keep in mind that it was probably a conscious change. You should be able to pick them out as we go along, and hopefully the changes will eventually make sense to you._

_Right now, I think this story will be done completely from Bella's POV, but we'll see how the next chapter goes before I say that this is a certainty.  
_

_Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this. I hope you find it enjoyable. Now on with the show..._

**Bella**

I knew I was going to be late for the meeting, but was taking my time anyway. Maybe I didn't have a choice in what I was, but that didn't mean I was just going to blindly follow orders for the rest of my life. Finishing the last bite of the apple I was eating, I tossed the core into the trash, and then finally headed out the door.

It was a pleasantly warm evening, one of the first warm ones we'd had of the spring, and instead of taking advantage of the nice weather, like I wanted to, like my body was yelling at me to, I was stuck going to this stupid meeting.

I started walking towards Jake's house. I was pretty sure he'd be gone already, but I was looking for excuses to delay heading up to the meeting. Jake lived only a couple of houses away from mine, so it didn't take long to get there. Knocking on the door, I headed in without waiting for an answer.

"Jake? Uncle Billy?" I called out as I entered through the kitchen door.

"Bella?" I heard Uncle Billy call out from the living room. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you already be up at the meeting?"

Uncle Billy was my mom's brother and Jake, his son, was my cousin. Jake and I had grown up together. Just a year older than me, he was more like a brother than a cousin. When my mom died, almost ten years ago, Uncle Billy and Jake were the ones who helped my dad and I get through it.

We'd been living off the reservation at the time of my mom's death. I remember I'd been up at Uncle Billy's house that night, because Charlie also had to work, and so hadn't learned till later that there'd been an accident, that she'd been hit by a drunk driver. The call came in and parol cars were dispatched, this was back before Charlie was Sheriff, back when he was still just a patrolman. I found out later that he'd been the first one to arrive on the scene that night.

He's never once talked to me about what he'd found when he arrived at the accident, but Uncle Billy tells me it was bad. I know he had nightmares after that for weeks. I'd wake in the middle of the night to his screams, his crying.

Dad and I walked around in a depressed haze for months after mom had passed. Then, one day out of the blue, he decided that I needed to be up on the reservation, closer to my people, closer to my mom. So he put our house on the market, bought a house that had just been built right near Uncle Billy's house, and moved us back to the place my mom had come from.

Mom and Billy were from the Quileute tribe. They'd both grown up on the reservation up at La Push, just as their parents had, and their parent's parents had. My mom was the first one in our family to leave the reservation. She had planned to get out of Washington, maybe head to New York City or Miami. Instead, she'd met my dad right out of high school, fell in love, got married and had me. She'd gotten off the reservation, but only as far as Forks, the next town over.

I was glad we'd made the move after her death. I knew it was a bit awkward for Charlie at times as he wasn't Quileute, wasn't even Native American, but it helped me feel connected to my mom in a way that I wouldn't have been able to anywhere else, and it kept us close to Uncle Billy and Jake, which I was grateful for.

The tribe took us in as if my mom had still been alive. They never treated Charlie as an outsider, never made either of us feel as if we were anything but family. And though I was often called 'the hafling,' I knew it wasn't out of malice, it was just what I was. I was a child of two worlds in a way, and walking those two worlds would always be a part of my life, of what made me me. So I wore my nickname with pride, and challenged anyone who would think to use it as an insult.

"Hey Uncle Billy," I said as he rolled his wheelchair into the kitchen, a gift from the diabetes he was constantly fighting to stay in control of. "Jake leave already?"

"Bells," he said with a sigh.

"What?" I asked as innocently as I could manage.

"Quit stalling and get your butt up there. Putting it off won't do you any good, they'll just wait for you and the meeting will end up running later because of it."

"Geeze, Uncle Billy. You're always thinking the worst of me," I said, feigning injury.

"That's just because I know you so well, I know that innocent facade is just that, a facade. Now get your stubborn butt moving before you get Jake into trouble. You know that he'll be covering for you."

"All right. I'm gone," I said with a laugh. Bending over, I gave him a kiss on the cheek before running out the door.

As soon as my feet hit the pavement, I took off down the street at a full run, not because I was in a hurry, just because my body was calling out for the exercise. The warm night air was getting to me, making me itch for a nice long run. I hoped the meeting would end early so I could get out for a little while before Charlie came home from work, though I wasn't holding my breath.

I ran until I got to the house, then paused just outside it. The lights were all lit up, inside and out, and I knew the others would be waiting inside. Still, my instincts demanded that I take stock of the situation before I headed inside. Closing my eyes, I allowed my senses to take over, listening for anything out of place, any warning signs that danger could be nearby. When my body registered no threat, I quietly snuck up around to the back of the house. Even late, I couldn't deny myself my little game.

As quietly as I could, I climbed up onto the deck on the back of the house. I peered up into the window, getting a fix on as many people inside as I could. I was in luck, only Emily was in the kitchen, and she'd be the one least likely to notice me. With barely a whisper, I quickly opened the back door, slid in, then closed it behind me. I was out of the kitchen without Emily ever having realized I was there.

Heading towards the living room, where I knew the others would be, I quietly slid up along the wall, getting as close to the entranceway as I could manage without being discovered. Trying to pin everyone down based on the sound of their movements, I located Paul when he started complaining loudly about my lateness. Smiling, I knew I had my target.

I pictured the layout of the living room, seeing the two long beat up sofa's and love seat in my mind. It was a wide, open room, the center of the house, and I could hear Paul pacing in the center of it. Turning the corner into the room, I registered where everyone was in the blink of an eye, and before anyone had the chance to look in my direction, I was over the couch closest to me with a leap, landing on Paul and knocking him down. I had him pinned beneath me before he'd so much as managed to exhale.

"What the hell?" he said as he pushed me off, his annoyance showing as he did.

I smiled as I hopped off him, knowing the surprised look on his face as he went down was worth any consequences that I might face.

"Bella," Sam's voice came with a warning.

"He shouldn't have been talking about me," I said, only half-heartedly trying to defend myself.

"You should have been here on time then," Paul spit out angrily, brushing his clothes off as he stood up.

I rolled my eyes at Paul. I knew I was pushing it with him, but couldn't help myself. Paul's temper had been worse than usual lately, and I knew he was dying to pay me back for my little stunt, but I also knew he wouldn't dare attack me, not in front of Sam and Jake. At least, not if he wanted to live.

I walked over to where Jake was sitting on the one couch, and playfully pushed at Quil until he moved over. When I sat down, Quil pretended to yawn and stretch, then laid his arm around my shoulders. Lightly, I punched Quil in his side and with a laugh he removed his arm. This was our little game. Quil half-heartedly flirted with me every chance he got, and I shot him down. It annoyed Jake, having his best friend constantly hitting on his cousin, but even he knew that Quil was only playing around, so he let it be.

Looking around the room , I nodded at the others. Everyone was there already, even Leah, who was looking like her grumpy old self. Not that I blamed her for her bad moods, but spending so much time in close proximity with her, I was sure getting tired of them.

I looked back at Sam, who was staring patiently at me, probably waiting for my excuse for being so late. "I got lost, " I said with a shrug. Quietly, Jake groan next to me at my answer.

"You got lost?" Sam asked in disbelief.

"Sure, why not," I said, trying to hold back my laugh.

I stared at Sam, knowing he knew I was lying, but waiting patiently to see what he'd do about it. I held eye contact, knowing this was key when it came to dealing with him. Don't be the first to look away, ever. It showed weakness and as a werewolf, that could mean death if you happened to find yourself in the wrong situation.

I hadn't always been a werewolf, none of us had actually. Yet besides Emily, we'd all suddenly found that we'd become creatures right out of a fairytale. Until just a few years ago, we'd all just been normal kids, trying to deal with life on the res and all of the complications that came with that. But all that changed when the Cold Ones moved back to town three years ago.

The Cold Ones history intertwined with ours as far back as my great-grandfather, Ephraim Black, who was the one to sign the treaty with them. They were a family of vampires, the same family, in fact, who signed that long ago treaty. They didn't age, they didn't die, though we knew they could be killed from the history that's been passed down to us through the ages. We've sworn not to kill or expose them though, as long as they kept their promise not to feed off of humans. You see, these particular vampires were vegetarians, forsaking the blood of humans for the lesser blood of animals. As long as they stuck to this, we'd leave them alone and they'd leave us alone in return. Course, that didn't mean we'd ever trust them, that we wouldn't constantly be vigilant for any break in the treaty from them.

The return of the vampires, a family that went by the name of Cullen, after so long meant the return of the wolves. Scattered throughout our tribe was a gene that gave us the ability to shape-shift into wolves. As long as the vampires stayed away, this gene stayed dormant. But with their close proximity, it activated the shape-shifter in us, and those of us with it hidden in our system went through the change.

Sam had been the first, going through the change shortly after the Cullen's made their return to Forks. He was the oldest amongst us, the largest wolf amongst us, and also our Alpha, our pack leader. He was there to help each of us through our change, though no one had been there to help him through his.

My change had come just eight months ago, one of the last. Jake had changed before me by about six months, and everyone thought that meant I'd be safe from it. Usually, from what we could tell, only one member of each family branch changed, and almost always the oldest. Not only was I younger, and a female, which was also rare, Leah and I being the only female wolves ever heard of, but I was also only half-Quileute. To the best of our knowledge, only full-blooded Quileutes ever made the change. To say that my change came as a surprise to both the pack and the elders was putting it lightly. Once it happened though, they accepted it as if it had always been expected. But what choice did they really have, it's not like they could de-wolf me.

Finally with a sigh, I could see that Sam had decided not to challenge my alibi, deciding it would be better just to move on.

"All right, moving onto business," he said, calling the meeting to order. "Anyone have anything to report from patrols?"

Jake, the pack Beta, our second in command, was the one to answer. "Everything's been clear. It seems as though they're doing their best to avoid our border as much as they can. A couple of times we've caught their scent, but it's never come close to crossing our line."

The pack and the vampires shared a border. The vampires hunted the woods that ran along the border, but tried to avoid crossing over onto Quileute land at all costs. If they ever did, we'd have the right to attack and kill them. It was written into the treaty. So far, we'd never had the opportunity to enforce this, but we were all looking forward to the possibility that the chance might arise. Well, most of us were anyway, forbidden from border patrol, I doubted I'd ever get the chance to cross the vampires scent, let alone hunt any of them down.

Thinking of the fact that I was forbidden from guard duty, I let my head fall back on the couch cushion behind me in frustration, tuning out the meeting. I knew I was going to have to have it out with Sam, and soon. He was being too protective, even considering it was Sam, even though I understood that he felt justified.

Not long after my mom died and my dad moved us to the reservation, I tried to run away. I was only like eight at the time and the area around the reservation was familiar to me, but not enough so that I didn't quickly get lost. I found myself wandering the woods, alone and very scared. They had search parties out looking for me, but it had still taken them almost two days to find me. Jake told me later that they begun to fear that they wouldn't find me alive.

Sam, just fourteen at the time, was the one to find me. He picked me up and carried me all the way back to Charlie, soothing me with calming words as he did. Somewhere on that long walk back to my dad, Sam had made it his mission to become my protector and ever since, he watched over me like I was his little sister and, in a way, I was.

Sam had become my family, even if we weren't related by blood. He checked in on me regularly, even before my change, and I spent almost as much time up at his and Emily's house as I did at Uncle Billy and Jake's house. So I understood that he'd want to shield me from the vampires as much as possible, that it was his instinct to, but I had to make him understand that it was my job as much as his to guard the reservation from the vampires. As much as I wanted to avoid fighting with him, it wasn't in me to sit back and let others take all the risk.

Making up my mind that I'd talk to him again after the meeting, I tuned back into the rest of the meeting. Unfortunately, it was just the same boring stuff we covered at our meetings every month. I tried to focus on what was being discussed, but was having a hard time doing so now that I'd decided to talk to Sam.

After what seemed like forever, guard duty for the upcoming month was assigned and the meeting ended. I leaned into Jake and whispered that I'd meet him outside. He answered back by telling me it wasn't going to work, knowing without me having to tell him what I planned, before he stood up and walked out the door, resigned to the fact that he knew I had to try anyway.

When the room had cleared out I walked over to Sam. "Can I have a minute?" I asked.

"Sure. And while you're at it, maybe you want to tell me the real reason you were late tonight."

"Sam, you know as well as I do why I was late."

He let out an exasperated sigh before saying, "Bella, you can't keep fighting this. This is your life now. I know it's not the life you would have chosen for yourself, or even the one I would have chosen for you, but it's the hand you were dealt. The sooner you learn to accept that, the better off you'll be."

"It's just not in me to blindly follow. I've adjusted to what I am, what we all are, but it frustrates me suddenly not having control over my life. I don't like answering to another, even if that person is you."

"I know, which is why I give you as much leeway as I do, but you have to pick your battles, Bell. I can't let you continue to undermine my leadership in front of the others like this. If you don't start being smarter about your little protests, we're going to have a problem."

Using this as the springboard I needed, I jumped into my argument. "So let me have more freedom. I won't chafe at the bit so much if I had more control. Let me go on patrols with the others. It's not fair for you to keep me from doing so, to keep me from the very job I was born to do."

"It's too dangerous for you," he answered back, as he always did when we discussed this.

"No more so than for the others," I said.

"You know that's not true. There's more of a risk for you than the others, there always will be. As pack leader, it's my job to protect members of my pack as best as I can, and I believe that means keeping you away from the vampires as much as possible."

I groaned loudly in frustration. This was the point we always came back to, and the one argument I'd yet to break through. I knew that Sam was right, that there was a slightly higher risk for me than for the others, but I didn't think it was high enough to keep me away from doing my job.

The problem came in my wolf form. Unlike the others in my pack, my fur was a light silver in color. Day or night, it stood out like a beacon. At night, it seemed to almost reflect the moonlight off it. Jake once told me that it actually looked like I glowed out under the moon. And during the day, it caught the sunlight and shined. I was unable to blend with the forest around me like the others, with their brown, dark grey, and black coats did.

I often wondered if the color of my coat came from being just half Quileute. Maybe my blood, mixed in with that of my European ancestors, is what caused my coat to be so light. I'd appreciate the fact that my coat made me stand out from the rest of my pack more if it wasn't keeping me from doing the things I wanted to do.

"Sam, this is my birthright. I have just as much a right to defend our land from the vampires as you do, and more so than some of the others. I'm Beta to this pack, it's humiliating to be forced to watch on the sidelines as those under me guard our lands from our enemies."

For the first time in Quileute history, the pack had two Beta's, Jacob and me. Pack hierarchy was determined not by age or size, but by bloodlines. Jacob and I were direct decedents of the last tribal chief, Ephraim Black. Our lineage meant that we had a right to the Alpha position, if we so chose to take it. Neither of us had any interest in the position, though, and as such we'd both become Beta's.

Being Beta wasn't a position either of us had chosen, either, but we didn't really have a say in it. Unless someone from the pack challenged us, and they'd have to take us both on to become the undisputed Beta, then we were stuck with the position. The pack was forced to follow our commands, it was in their blood to do so, unless our commands went against those of the Alpha, which had never happened.

So, for the first time in pack history, the pack had a male Alpha and a female Alpha. It might have caused us problems, if Jacob and I weren't so close to each other. We generally backed each other up in all decisions, and definitely looked out for each other's backs.

"The pack understands that I'm not undermining your role as Beta, they've seen enough proof that you are completely capable in your position, but I won't take the risk of exposing you like that. I'm sorry, Bella, this is my final say in the matter. As your Alpha, I'm ordering you to stand down on this. We can discuss it again at a later point, but for now you're staying off border patrol."

I closed my eyes in frustration and anger. When I knew I wasn't going to be able to contain my temper enough to reign in my mouth, I turned around and slammed out the front door, not even bothering to seek out Emily and say good bye to her, something I always did.

I stepped out into the night air and immediately located Jacob, sitting on a large rock about two hundred feet away. Though it was dark, I could see his eyes watching me, even at this distance. One of the advantages of being part wolf was the extra fine-tuned senses. Not only could we smell and hear better than humans, we could see farther and had night vision. Not to mention, we were stronger, faster, and lived longer. It was like whatever had decided that we'd be stuck going through our lives as half-human, half-wolf hybrids took pity on us, giving us all of the wolf's strengths and packaging them in a human body. I still hated what I'd become, hated what it meant for my life, but I did enjoy some of the perks that went along with it.

Jake contemplated my face for a few seconds, before standing up to meet me halfway. "Well?" he asked, already knowing from my exit what the answer would be.

Instead of answering him, I closed my eyes and allowed my anger to dissipate. I let the cool night air caress my skin, and the smell of salt water to permeate my nose. I knew that nature would calm me in a way that words never could.

When I finally let go of most of my anger and resentment, I opened my eyes, looked at Jake and said, "Let's run."

He smiled in answer before turning around and taking off at full speed. He headed the opposite direction of our houses and with a return smile, already knowing where he was heading, I took off after him, taking up his unspoken challenge.

We raced down to our spot on the beach and, as my feet pounded the pavement, then the dirt, and eventually the sand, I knew that once again I'd end up kicking Jake's ass. With a laugh thrown over my shoulder as I passed him, I took the lead and headed off into the night, knowing he'd be just seconds behind me.

**A/N:**

_Again, thank you for taking the time to read. I hope you liked it and that you're willing to stick around to see where it goes. I think it should be a fun story, or I hope so anyway. Drop me a line or two to let me know what you think so far. Thanks!_

_~TCG  
_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

_Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read this...and a big thank you to Yeye85 for being the first one to review this! _

_Without further ado..._

**Bella**

I groaned as the sunlight coming through my window woke me up. I rolled over, hoping to sneak in just a few more minutes of sleep, but it was already too late, I was awake. Smooshing my face into my pillow and pounding my fist against my bed a couple of times out of frustration, I finally rolled over and made myself sit up.

No matter what time it was, it was too early. I hadn't managed to get much sleep during the night, and I was paying for it this morning. My body felt restless and jumpy, strung tighter than a piano. It made it hard to relax long enough to fall asleep. I knew what this meant, I had felt it coming yesterday but had tried to deny it. Well, all that had gotten me was a fitful night of sleep.

I stared resentfully at my room around me, it's happy purple colors mocking me and my grumpy mood. I wondered for the hundredth time why I hadn't painted it a less cheerful color, like black, but knew I'd been in my purple phase when we repainted. Stupid purple.

I looked down at my forest green comforter, feeling a little better at the sight of it. I picked it because it's deep green color reminded me of the forest surrounding the reservation. I knew though that eventually I'd have to man up and face the purple again.

I looked back up and narrowed my eyes in irritation as I did, feeling that my purple walls retaining their cheerful purpleness were doing so just to annoy me. Stupid, evil walls.

I got up and walked over to my closet, deciding for the time to ignore the purple like a rational person would do. I grabbed a tee hanging in my closet before heading over to my dresser for the essentials like jeans and under garments. I threw all of my various articles of clothes over the right body parts, then looked at my reflection in the mirror.

I looked exactly like a girl who had slept fitfully the night before, then climbed out of bed and threw on the first semi-ironic tee she could find, grabbed a pair of pants, and pretended that she wasn't half dead on her feet. With a much suffering sigh, I ignored my reflection and headed out the door. Stupid life.

Heading downstairs to get some coffee, I heard movement in the kitchen and assumed it meant Charlie was up and active. Upon entering the kitchen I confirmed I'd been right, Charlie was up and moving around, but that I hadn't guessed that Jake was already here.

He'd planted himself at the kitchen table with a big bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee. I narrowed my eyes at him, thinking that if he'd finished the last cup I was going to have to kill him. Luckily for him, there was still some coffee sitting in the pot. I grabbed a cup of it, nodded my head at Charlie, who was packing a lunch for himself, and playfully shoved Jake's head as I walked past him to grab a seat at the table.

"What's up?" I asked, when Jake refused to make eye contact with me.

"Got a message for you," he said. I knew from the way he said it that I should expect my morning to go from bad to worse.

"Who's it from?"

He took his time answering, finishing his mouthful of cereal, chewing slowly. Very slowly. I already knew who it had to be from, though, from his reaction, so I answered my question myself. "Sam."

I hadn't seen Sam since the meeting three nights ago. I was actively avoiding him, and I knew he'd been giving me some time to cool down. This was our routine, one we had developed since my change. We'd fight, I'd lose, we'd avoid each other until I calmed down. As much as I loved Sam, as my Alpha he was constantly grating on my nerves.

"What did he say?" I asked.

"He asked if you'd come up to the house," Jake answered.

I groaned. I didn't need another confrontation with him today, not when I was in this mood. I sat silently thinking for a few moments, trying to decide if I had to actually go up to the house or if I could get away with ignoring his request.

"Was it a request, or an order?" I asked, knowing I couldn't ignore an order from him, even if I wanted to. The impulse to follow our Alpha was too strong in us.

Charlie broke into our conversation, asking, "You two have another fight again?"

I leaned back in my chair to look over at my dad, who was propped up against the counter with his own cup of coffee in his hands.

Charlie knew about my becoming a wolf. He was the first non-Quileute to learn of our tribe's secret, and despite his ties to the reservation and the clan, I think the elders might not have told him about it if my change hadn't been such a bad one.

I barely survived it. The elders thought it was because I was the halfling...only half Quileute. They thought the outside blood in me made my transition particularly hard. It lasted for days and if Charlie hadn't been included in the loop he would have taken me to the hospital, and that would have been bad. As it was, they barely convinced him that I couldn't be seen by an outsider. So for the first time ever, someone outside of the Quileute tribe was in on our secret.

That didn't mean that Charlie was exactly comfortable with the idea. He accepted it as much as he could, and I was proud of him for doing so, but I tried to shield him from pack going-ons as much as possible. He was always telling me I didn't have to, that the pack was part of who I was now, but I felt guilty putting too much on him.

I mean, he had a sixteen year old daughter who was constantly running all up and down the countryside in both human and wolf form, at all hours of the day and night. He had to deal with the fact that occasionally his daughter had a tail, four legs, was completely covered in fur, not to mention had teeth sharp enough to bite right through him. There wasn't exactly a manual on how to deal with that sort of thing, so I tried to cut him as much slack as I could.

Trying to stay as neutral as possible, I answered with, "We had a bit of a disagreement, but not what you'd call a fight. I just needed some time away from him."

Showing the instincts that made him a great sheriff and reading between the lines, he said, "Try to cut him a little slack, Bells. He just wants to keep you safe. You're like family to him, he wants to make sure you're not in any danger."

That was one of the few positives Charlie saw about this whole wolf thing; if I was going to be a wolf who had to follow the orders of my Alpha, at least I was following the orders of an Alpha he completely trusted to look out for my safety above all else.

I sighed, knowing I wasn't going to win this particular argument either. Charlie winked at me, showing that he knew what was going through my head and agreed with me that I wasn't going to win. "All right," he said. "I've gotta head into work. Do you two have any plans on this beautiful Saturday?"

I let Jake answer. "Besides stopping up at Sam and Emily's house, nothing planned. Dinner tonight?" he asked.

"Yup. Warn your dad I might be a bit late though; I have to get caught up on some stuff around the office. Later guys, have fun," he called as he headed out the back door.

Every saturday Charlie and I had dinner at Uncle Billy and Jake's house, and every Wednesday they had dinner at our house. It was a tradition that went back years, and one we all loved. We rarely ever missed out on one. Often, Sam and Emily would join us, though I doubted they would tonight. Sam seemed to have a good sense of when I needed space from him.

Turning back to the conversation at hand, I asked Jake, "Well?"

"Well what?" he asked, confused.

"Was it an order or a request?"

He groaned loudly, letting his frustration with me show through. "It was a request, but one that came from our Alpha."

Which meant that while it wasn't a direct order, it would be best if I did as I was asked and showed up. "All right, well it will have to be later."

"Why's that?" he asked.

"I need to go for a run before anything else," I explained.

"You were just out running yesterday."

"No, I need to go for a _run,_" I emphasized.

As werewolves, our human half was constantly waring with our wolf half. Each side of us had a set of instincts it used to navigate its way through life, and those instincts didn't always match up.

The human half of me reacted with rational thought, thinking through a situation before reacting. The wolf in me reacted on instinct, relying on what its instincts and senses were telling it. The human in me met a new person and tried to decide if they were trustworthy or not, whether they'd make a good friend or whatever; the wolf in me sized up their strengths and weaknesses, tried to decide if they were a threat or not, and if they were, it urged me to immobilize them using whatever means possible. I kept reminding myself that at least I wasn't having to fight off the instinct to sniff everyone's crotches or something. To say that would be bad wouldn't even come close to how awful it would be. So at least there was that.

Still, the first few months after the change are probably among the hardest a werewolf will ever have to face, because the wolf in them is constantly trying to make them attack everyone around them. After my change, I was constantly getting into fights everywhere, the wolf urging me to take out any and all threat around, the human in me not yet having enough control to stop the wolf instincts from winning out. It was a trying time for both me and Charlie, who was always having to hear about my latest round of fistfights. Finally, though, I learned to control my inner wolf...mostly.

I still reacted on instincts more then I ever had, I still relied very heavily on my new heightened senses, and I still felt the overpowering urge to run that the wolf in me seemed to require.

Since my change, there was nothing I took more pleasure in than running. I ran every day in some form or another. When I began to resist changing into a wolf as much as possible, I still ran constantly in human form. But werewolves had to change every so often, and we had to run. It kept the wolf in us from overtaking the rest of us. If we didn't change regularly, we'd lose control...which is what happened with Sam and Emily.

When Sam first changed, he resisted the urge to change for as long as possible, trying to deny what he'd become. He'd go days, weeks even, without making the change, and as he did, he became more unstable. Finally one day he just snapped.

It had been just over two weeks since he had last changed, his longest yet. Emily had made an innocent, off-hand comment to him, but in the state he was in it just triggered something in him. He started to change before he realized what was going on and he lashed out at her with his claws, slicing up her face pretty bad. When he saw what he had done, he got control of himself and changed back, but he never, ever forgave himself for what he done. Since then, he's set a strict time limit of how long we could go in between changes – nothing past five days. I was the only one who ever pushed it even that far, and I knew that he was right to impose a time limit. By the time I was near my fifth day, I could feel the wolf in my vying to take over. I knew there was no way I could go up to Sam's house without going for a run first, not without putting someone in danger, which I wasn't willing to do.

"How long has it been?" Jake asked.

"This is day five for me."

"Why do you push it so long, Bella? You love running, even more so when you're in wolf form, why deny yourself that?" he asked, exasperated with me as usual. He never could understand my need to stretch it out as long as I could.

"It's just something I need to do, for myself," I answered, knowing he wouldn't be satisfied with my explanation.

"All right, I'll call Sam and let him know you'll be up after we go for a run. Meanwhile, grab something to eat." I stuck my tongue out at him for giving me an order, but knew he was right.

As wolves we had a much faster metabolism than we ever did as humans. We had to eat a lot more so that our bodies would be able to keep up their energy level. It wasn't rare for me to eat four or five full meals a day, instead of three, and yet I never gained a single pound. And I was the smallest wolf in the pack – Sam and Jake, the two largest wolves, had to eat ridiculous amounts of food to keep up with the demands of their bodies.

Knowing that I'd need my energy if I was going out on a run, I skipped over a light breakfast in favor of a ham and cheese sandwich and some chips; an odd choice for eight o'clock in the morning, but one that would get me through my run. As a nod to the whole breakfast thing, I threw a yogurt into the mix.

When Jake was done letting Sam know the plan, and once I had finished eating, we headed out to go for our run. Though our wolfishness was common knowledge around the reservation, we never changed on the res if we could help it. So Jake and I jogged our way over to the woods right outside the reservation.

We found a good spot to change and hide our clothes. Jake picked one set of bushes to change behind and I another. We've lost a lot of our modesty as wolves, we've had to really. Changing back and forth in front of our pack often meant that we were seeing each other naked more than any of us liked. After the first change, most new wolves try to retain their sense of modesty, but after a while it just gets to a point where you just kind of gave up on it. We still tried to change someplace private, especially Jake and I, what with the whole cousin thing going on, but you adapted to the frequent nudity after a while.

Though it got better over time, the change was still very painful. Your body shifted from one form to a completely new form, and it wasn't a pretty process. Luckily for us, it was a fast one.

I changed into my wolf form, then gave myself a second to adjust. As soon as I was wolf again, my senses took over. My nose searched out new and unusual scents around me, trying to pick out anything important. My ears processed the noises of the forest around me, my eyes searched out any movement. When my instincts told me there was nothing to fear, I took off.

I knew Jake was somewhere near by and as I ran I focused my senses on locating him. Finally, I detected noise off to me left, just slightly behind me. With an inner laugh, I changed my direction to circle back round to come up behind me.

The ground flew beneath my legs, my padded paws protecting me from injury as I ran over pebbles and twigs. My lungs sucked in oxygen as my muscles worked the way they were meant to, giving me speed and control as I flew through the forrest. I ducked in and out of bushes, flew around trees, jumped over large obstacles. All of my senses were focused on the forest around me, looking for a threat or prey. This was my world, while I was here it wasn't just a forest, it was _my_ forest.

This was the part of being a wolf that I liked best, this feeling of your body doing exactly what it was meant to do, what it was designed to do. I didn't feel like this anywhere else in my life. When I was out running, pushing my body to go just a little faster, my legs to reach just a little farther, I knew that for that one moment, every part of me was working in sync, just the way it should.

It was this feeling that our bodies yearned for in human form, this is why we needed to change often. The wolf in us needed to feel this affirmation that everything was right with us, otherwise it got confused, and a confused wolf was a dangerous wolf.

I managed to arc around and knew that I was directly behind Jake. All I had to do now was catch up to him without letting him know I was behind him. For anyone else in the pack, it probably would have been impossible. For me, though, I knew I was likely to succeed.

I might have been the smallest wolf in the pack, but that didn't mean I didn't have other advantages. My small size lent well for speed. I was by far the fastest wolf in the pack, only Leah came even remotely close to me. When I ran, I was in my element, untouchable. I was also very light on my feet, able to sneak up on everyone in the pack except Sam, who had an added advantage the other wolves in the pack didn't.

Sam, as pack leader, was able to sense the wolves in his pack, and in turn, each of us could sense him. There was a subtle communication between the leader and his pack that made it easier for organizing joint attacks and avoiding trouble. In wolf form, he could locate each of us, and he could issue orders to us. He couldn't speak to us or anything, it was more like he thought something and we instinctively knew what that thought was. I don't know if it was something all wolves could do, or if it came from the blending of wolf and human in us. Either way, it was both an advantage and very annoying.

Luckily, I wasn't out here with Sam, I was here with Jake, who didn't have the inner homing device our leader had. Running all out now, I quickly found myself with Jake in my line of sight.

He was a large wolf, second largest in our pack, and we were already very large for being wolves, much larger than your run of the mill wolf. His coat was a jet black color, sleek and beautiful. I knew a stranger coming upon him out in the wild would probably not recover from the fright of finding themselves face to face with such a creature. The first time I saw him, even knowing who he really was, I had barely recovered.

His size wasn't going to keep me from my goal though. With a last burst of speed, I closed the distance between us and, pushing off with my back legs, I lunged for him. I made contact, landing firmly on his back, which caused him to stumble and fall.

We had so much momentum at the time of impact that once we hit the ground we kept rolling. We tumbled over each other, Jake trying to bite me as we went, in an attempt to pin me before I could take off again. I inwardly laughed at his attempts, knowing they'd be futile. Before we'd even finished our final role, I sprung up and was off again, Jake furiously chasing after me.

I couldn't let him catch me because if I did the game would be over. Jake had all of the power, so once he caught me he'd be able to quickly overpower me. I had to use what advantages I had over him. Luckily for me, those advantages always proved useful in these little spar-offs we had.

I don't know how long we spent darting in and out of the woods, running around and tackling each other, or in Jake's case being tackled, before we decided to head back. We were out there for a good while, though. By the time we'd had enough running, I had successfully caught up and tackled Jake eight times, while he hadn't managed to catch me once. I was in a good mood again.

We took our time heading back to the spot we left our clothes, jogging instead of running. If it wasn't for my promised visit to Sam's, I'd probably have spent a few more hours out here romping around. I knew if I stayed out here for too long though, that Sam would think I was doing so to avoid him. With a sigh of regret once we'd gotten back to our clothes, I changed back into a human and got dressed again.

Instead of going off to find Jake again once I was dressed, I stood there looking out at the forest around me for a few minutes.

It was so easy out here, so perfect. There was no worrying about pack politics, or homework, no worrying about how becoming a wolf had made your father feel, how he was coping with this new you, whether he loved you less now. There was no thinking of boys out here, of finding your place amongst your peers at school, at making the right decisions for your future. Out here it was just you and your instincts and the forest around you.

It was the main reason I held off changing as long as possible – it felt so right out here that I was afraid I'd eventually lose interest in the human world if I spent too much time out here. I hated what I'd become, this creature of two worlds. Hated even more that I preferred the wrong world.

I knew well before he pounced that Jake was trying to sneak up and tackle me. So when his left foot dug into the ground and pushed off, followed closely by his right, allowing him to launch himself at me with the speed and force of a werewolf, I took a quick step to the right and watched as he flew by me.

He landed unceremoniously in a heap on the ground, face first in the dirt. You could tell by the way his arms had circled up in front of him that he hoped even at the last second that he'd catch me. I wondered briefly if he got any dirt in his mouth but thought I'd probably be better off not asking.

Shaking my head at him in pity, I nudged his leg a little with the toe of my foot. When he didn't respond, I walked up to where his head rested on the ground and bent way over so that my face was right near his ear. "Never gonna happen, Jake," I said with a laugh, right before I turned around and took off running.

I could hear him pushing himself up off the ground as quickly as he could manage, hoping he'd be able to catch up to me. I knew he wouldn't, though. Even in human form I was too fast for him. I ran toward the reservation as fast as my legs would carry me, wishing all the way that life was always this easy.

**A/N:**

_Thanks again to everyone for reading this. Please drop me a line, letting me know what you think! I know, there's not a lot of motivation to stick with and review a story this early into it, but if you like it and want to see more of it, it's the best way to keep an author motivated. And I'm not just talking about me and this story, I mean in general. If you're not motivated to review my story, go find one you are motivated to review. We need to support the stories we like, no matter what phase they're in. :o)_

_Anyway, before anyone asks, Edward will arrive on the scene soon. I know that's probably the million dollar question right now. It'll happen, I promise. ;o)_

_That's it for now. See you soon._

_~TCG_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

_Okay, trying this again since something seems to be wonky today on FF...or at least on my account._**  
**

_Thanks to all who have taken the time to review this! _

**Bella**

Climbing the front steps to Sam's house, I knocked on the door but went in without waiting for an answer. Because Sam was Alpha, his and Emily's house tended to be our home base, which meant we all pretty much had run of the place. We tried to at least remember to knock before entering, but I couldn't remember the last time one of us had waited to be invited in.

"Sam? Emily?" I called. Smelling something good coming from the kitchen, I headed back that way knowing I'd find Emily back there.

Emily loved to cook, and being with a werewolf, often with a house full of other werewolves, meant that she had ample opportunity to put her love of cooking to good use. I ate better at Sam and Emily's than I did at home.

Sure enough, I found Emily bent over, peering into the oven. "Whatchya making?" I asked, hoping whatever it was I'd be able to get a taste.

Standing up, she closed the oven door and dropped her oven mitts on the table before turning to me and giving me a big hug. "Bells, I didn't get to see you at the meeting the other night."

"I know, I'm sorry. I just..."

"You were mad at Sam. He's been moping around here ever since, so I could tell."

"Sam mope? I don't think I believe that," I said with a laugh, unable to picture such a thing.

"He does when you two aren't getting along. He loves you, Bells. When you're mad at him it bothers him."

"He loves the rest of the pack, too, but he's not so damn protective of them. He's suffocating me."

"It's different. He does love the pack, you guys are all his wolf family, and that means something to him. But he loves _you_ like a little sister. It goes beyond the love he shares with the pack. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't get mad at him for being over-protective, because I know he sometimes is, just letting you know that your fights affect him as much as they do you."

I wondered if she was right. He always seemed so unfazed by everything, and he never showed any signs that the world wasn't perfectly fine after one of our fights. In fact, one of the reasons I pushed against him so hard was because of how little my pushing seemed to bother him. It was like he was wearing protective armor. Deciding to file this information away for later contemplation, I changed the subject.

"So where is Sam, anyway? I thought he'd be waiting for me," I said.

"He ran out to the store for me but he should be back in a minute. I needed more flour."

"You never did tell me what you were baking."

"Oatmeal raising muffins. I also have a big pot of beef stew on the over, if you want to stay for dinner."

"Can't. It's Saturday."

"Oh yeah, dinner at Billy and Jake's house. Maybe you can come by tomorrow for leftovers then?"

I knew she was trying to play mediator between Sam and me, she always did, and because it was Emily, I gave in. "Okay, I'll come by tomorrow for dinner. You better not count on there being leftovers though, I'm pretty sure Sam could get through a pot of stew before tomorrow."

"Well, if that's the case, I'll have something else cooked up. Either way, there will be food on the table if you show up."

Just then I heard the front door open and close, and new that Sam must have gotten back from the store. Sure enough, a few seconds later he came walking into the kitchen, a grocery bag in each hand. Relieving him of a bag, Emily said to him, "I just needed flour, what's the rest of this?"

"Just a few light snacks to tide me over till dinner," he said.

Emily rolled her eyes at him, looking exasperated. I'd have joined her if I wasn't all too familiar with a wolf's ferocious appetite. In fact, peeking into the bag in Emily's hands it was occurring to me how hungry I was. My run earlier had taken a lot of energy out of me, I needed to refuel sometime soon.

"Hungry, Bells?" Emily asked, seeing me eyeing up a box of donuts.

"I haven't eaten since breakfast and I've been out running since then. It's okay, I'll grab something when I get home."

"Stay for lunch and then we'll talk after," Sam said.

Eying him skeptically, I finally nodded my head in agreement, knowing I'd just be hurting myself if I refused. We all made ourselves something to eat, their house was mostly a help yourself kind of place; it had to be, with so many werewolves running around all the time. With a tuna fish sandwich, a salad, and some Dorritos in my hands, I sat down at the kitchen table.

Sam and Emily actually had one of the largest houses on the rez, a benefit of being the Alpha. When he changed, and after it became apparent that he wouldn't be the only on to, the tribal elders decided it would be in the reservation's best interest if the pack had its own meeting place large enough to accommodate us. So they picked a spot on the outskirt of the village, and built a place big enough to handle a pack of large, rambunctious werewolves.

The living room was probably the size of the entire first floor of my house. It was meant to double as our meeting room, which was why it was such a wide open space. Besides the living room, there was a den, smaller than the living room but still a good size, then a dining room contained a custom made table that could sit twenty, though our pack wasn't that big, not yet at least. The kitchen, a sizable work-out room, a small office, a bathroom, and a laundry room that doubled as a pantry, finished the downstairs off. Upstairs held another bathroom and the bedrooms, all of which the pack considered to be Sam and Emily's private space. I was pretty sure I was the only one among us who'd ever been up there.

The house wasn't meant for Sam and Emily in particular, but rather for the pack Alpha. If Sam ever gave up or lost the position, the house would become the property of the next Alpha. Sam loved the place though, as did I. It would kill him to have to ever give it up.

I knew we both appreciated it for the same reasons, it's open floor plans, which kept us from feeling caged in, and for the wood used throughout the house. Because of our nature, the house was left as natural as could be, with the wood treated but unpainted, and dark greens and browns used throughout the house. It was one of the few houses I didn't start to feel restless the second I walked in. Which is why, when I wasn't mad at Sam, I spent a lot of my free time up at the house.

Emily guided most of our conversation at lunch, not because we were still upset with each other, but because she usually did. Sam and I were mostly content to eat in silence.

When it was just the two of us, and the weather was decent, we'd usually eat on the back porch and let the sounds around us be our entertainment. When we ate with the pack, the rest of them were so vivacious and loud that no one would even notice that Sam and I rarely talked while we ate. When we ate with Emily, she tried to fill the silence, and get us involved in the conversation. For her, we did our best.

Emily was one of the few truly good people I knew. Sweet through and through, I loved her like I loved no other female since my mom died. She was half big sister to me and, although she was only in her early twenties, half a mom figure.

When she got together with Sam, I initially resented her, hated her even, and swore that I would never forgive her for what she'd done. Slowly, though, her sweetness ate away at my bitterness, and now there were few people I loved as much as I did her.

When we finished eating, we cleaned up our dishes before Sam and I headed into the office to discuss whatever he'd called me in for. He took a seat behind the big oak desk that was the focal point of the office, so I took the chair on the other side of the desk and wondered at what we were about to discuss that had Sam feeling the need to place the desk between us, something he only did when he thought I was about to get mad.

"So what's up?" I asked, wanting to get this over with.

"I need you to talk to Leah," he answered, cutting right to the chase.

"Sam," I said in a voice meant to warn him that this wasn't a good idea.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I know you don't want to do this, and I know you shouldn't have to, but I think you also know it's the best option."

"She just needs time, Sam."

"She's had years now and it hasn't helped. I'm not expecting her to get over this, or forgive me, but she's a loose cannon right now, and as pack leader I can't have that."

"Then as Alpha you should be the one talking to her," I retorted. I knew why this wouldn't work, but my stubborn side made me offer it up as an alternative anyway.

Sam and Leah had been childhood sweethearts. They'd grown up together and fallen in love. They spent so much time with each other and were so obviously in love that everyone just assumed they would get married one day, including both of them. But all of that came to an end after Sam changed.

After his change he just sort of dropped off the map for a while. He disappeared for weeks without anyone knowing where he went, or why. As scared as I was that something had happened to him, I knew it was worse for Leah. She was out of her mind with worry, fearing the worst.

Then one day he just showed back up, as if he hadn't been gone for close to a month, without an explanation. From that point, everything was different, it was like his relationship with Leah had never happened. He broke up with her almost immediately, without even an explanation. He cut out everyone in his life, without a word as to why, except me.

He's never told me why he let me stick around when he wouldn't let anyone else, but I've always suspected it was because he couldn't stand to lose both Leah and me at the same time. It would have been just too much loss for him to handle at once. Whatever the explantation, I was the only one with him during that period.

It was a scary time. It was like he'd been possessed by someone else, a stranger. He'd gone missing and then came back a changed person. If I hadn't loved him so much, I might not have stuck it out. I mean, I was only thirteen at the time, I'd been out of my depth. I now understand what had happened, and why, but it took a while to piece all of the parts together.

Sam was the first one to change, and he had no idea what was happening to him or why. When he realized he was becoming a werewolf, he freaked out and decided it would be safer for everyone if he left the reservation. He spent the next few weeks homeless, roaming around from place to place, trying to avoid people as much as possible.

Finally he started thinking about some of the myth's we'd heard growing up on the rez, about wolf people amongst the tribe. He started thinking about the Cold Ones, and what their presence might mean. He started wondering if maybe his change meant others would be changing as well. So he came back, but it wasn't the same for him. He didn't feel like he could tell anyone about what had happened to him yet, not till he knew that it was happening to others.

Then he realized his change didn't just affect him physically, it also changed his feelings towards Leah. He still loved her, just not in the way he used to. It was like his body was pushing him away from her. As much as he wanted to be with her still, as much as he loved her, something in him had shut down towards her. So he broke it off between them and distanced himself from her, knowing it was better for the both of them in the long run.

A couple of months later Sam met Emily, Leah's cousin, and despite doing their best not to, the two of them fell in love. It was why I had initially hated Emily so much. I'd become close to Sam after he rescued me, which meant that I had become close to Leah, as well. We never had the same kind of relationship I have with Emily now, I was more the annoying kid who always seemed to be in the vicinity of her boyfriend, but we'd become friends in a fashion. After Sam and Leah broke up, I was sure that they'd get together again, and Emily ruined that dream of mine. Not to mention, I felt like my loyalty to Leah meant I had to hate Emily. Fortunately for both Emily and me, Emily was a hard person to dislike.

So Sam ended up with Leah's cousin, and about a year later, Leah found herself a member of Sam's pack when she too ended up changing into a werewolf. It wasn't, and still isn't, an ideal situation. Both Sam and Emily feel guilty about what had happened to Leah, and Sam still has feelings for Leah on a certain level, though he was no longer in love with her. Leah was bitter and angry, more so about being constantly forced into their vicinity, and forced to take orders from a man she once loved but now hated. It put Sam in an awkward position, as pack Alpha.

We found out a few months ago that the whole situation wasn't really something Sam could have avoided though, thanks to Quil. He came to me after my change, to tell me what he suspected, and I then made him go to Sam, Emily, and Leah with it.

Though we often flirted, there wasn't an attraction between Quil and me. We mainly flirted back and forth to get on Jake's nerves, not because either of us had a thing for the other, or so I always believed. When Quil came to me after my change, he explained that this hadn't always been the case. Until his change, he had harbored a crush for me, a big one. But then he went through his change and suddenly, just like that, his attraction was gone.

I wasn't a werewolf at the time, but giving everything that had happened between Sam and Leah, Quil wondered if, despite everyone's belief that I'd be safe, I'd end up going through the change, too. Of course, he'd been right in his guess, which meant there was more to the Leah, Sam, Emily drama then had been previously thought.

After it became apparent that more people were changing, Sam went to the tribal elders with what had happened to him. They dug up all the old books that previous tribal members had put together to keep our legends from dying out, and gave the books to Sam. He spent weeks pouring through them, learning anything and everything he could about our ancestors and their werewolf legends, understanding now that they were more than just legends.

The books had been useful to him in navigating his new role as pack Alpha, and had helped him guide the other members through their changes, and life after. What it hadn't helped him with at all was Leah and me. We were the first female werewolves ever known, which meant there was nothing in any of the books that could help us, no standard in them to let us know that what we were dealing with at any given time was normal.

So we didn't know until Quil came forward, that there was a biological reason why Sam's attraction for Leah ended after his change, or at least we suspected it was biological. We've only been able to guess at what happens, but it's the best explanation that fits.

It seems that once you change, any attraction you feel towards another werewolf disappears. You can still have feelings for that person, but your body instinctively leads you away from another werewolf, making it almost impossible to maintain a relationship with them. We think there must be some way that two werewolves together genetically cancel each other out. Meaning that if Leah and Sam had stayed together, either they wouldn't have been able to have children together, or maybe their children wouldn't have carried the werewolf gene in them. So their bodies pushed them away to help ensure the passing on of the werewolf trait.

It was a survival mechanism that the wolf in us activated. While Sam's body detected that Leah would one day become a wolf, Leah's body, which didn't yet have access to the instincts of her future wolf half, didn't feel the same push away that Sam did.

Leah has admitted that she no longer is attracted to Sam on a physical level, as she's now also a werewolf, but I know that hasn't stopped her from loving him. Her bitterness towards Sam and Emily still remain, even though she knows logically that it wasn't something that could have been helped, some of that bitterness has carried over to the entire pack.

She resents us all somewhat, because we're all tied in with Sam, herself, and the wolf in both of them. She's part of a pack that she'd give anything to avoid, and yet the wolf in her forces her to be with us, and to follow Sam's every order, no matter how she might feel about him. It didn't make for life around her being very pleasant, and I knew that she, herself, was miserable.

I didn't blame her for how she felt, knowing how much she had loved Sam and how happy she'd been with him, but that didn't mean I didn't do my best to avoid her. After it became apparent that I not only accepted Emily in Sam's life, but loved Emily, Leah began to resent me as well. As much as I hated abandoning her, I knew she wanted to be around me about as much as she wanted to be around Sam. Unless it was on pack business, I tried to give her as wide a berth as I could manage. Which made Sam's request all the more annoying.

"Someone needs to talk to her and you know that if I'm the one to do it, she's going to react badly," Sam explained.

I knew it was the truth, but I honestly didn't think she'd do any better if I was the one talking to her. In fact, considering I was once a pesky little kid to her, had changed after her, but now had seniority to her when it came to pack rank, I think she'd resent me talking to her much worse than pretty much anyone else.

"If you really think you shouldn't be the one to do it, have Jake do it. He's Beta as well, and he doesn't have a history with her that either of us do."

"He also doesn't have experience in dealing with her like we both do. If I thought he'd be able to reign her in, I'd ask him to do it, but I don't think he'll be able to."

"And you think I will? Don't you think my history with her means she'll be all the more likely to write off everything I say? She has no reason to respect me, and less of a reason to respect me than Jake. I think it's a bad idea."

"I know you might find this hard to believe, but I actually think she's developed a level of respect for you that she doesn't have with the others. You haven't been the happiest about your change and, unlike the others, you're constantly standing up to me and my orders. You never give in without a fight, and your role as Beta means you have more of an ability to stand up to me effectively than she does. I think she respects that in you. I think out of everyone in the pack, your words are the ones she'll actually give some thought to."

He paused for a few moments, giving me time to process everything he'd just said, before picking his argument back up. "I'm not asking this of you lightly, and I won't order you to do it if you aren't willing, but I've put a lot of thought into who would be the best choice to talk to her and I honestly think that it's you. I'm not trying to get out of something that's uncomfortable for me, I'm just trying to do what's best for the pack, and I think you know that."

In fact, I did know that, which made it almost impossible for me to say no to him; I _knew_ that when it came to his dealings with Leah, he was trying to find the path that was best for Leah and the pack, not for himself. As Alpha, he was in an untenable position when it came to this, one I knew he didn't deserve to be in. So, with a frustrated groan, I said, "Fine, I'll do it, but it's not something I'm looking forward to."

"Thank you," he started to say, before I cut him off.

"And you owe me big time for this," I said. And before he could offer me anymore thanks, or try to otherwise attempt to smooth things over, I stood up and walked out of the office. I only paused long enough to give Emily a quick hug and to thank her for lunch before leaving.

As I slammed out the front door once again, I found myself wishing that I lived a much simpler life. With a sigh of regret, I went off in search of Leah, knowing where I'd probably find her.

**A/N:**

_Next chapter. That's all I'm saying. Next chapter. lol_

_Other than that, let me know what you all think so far. Enjoying Bella as a werewolf, or not so much? I want to hear your opinions on this if you're up for it...especially as it's such a focus of the story so far. _


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**

_As usual, thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read this, and in particular, everyone who has reviewed. :o)_**  
**

**Bella**

Leah liked to hang out down on the jetty at the end of the beach, which is where I was heading. I think she went there to try to calm down the turmoil inside her, and to get away from us all. She'd probably see my looking for her there as an invasion, but she was so hard to track down lately that I couldn't take the chance of trying to catch up with her somewhere else.

Sure enough, I could see her sitting out at the end of the jetty long before I approached her. I knew this was going to be an uncomfortable situation, and that we'd both probably end up mad at each other, but it had to be done.

I waited for her to notice me before I tried climbing out on the jetty to her. Wolves didn't enjoy being creeped up on and I knew between the noise of the surf and the wind blowing my scent away from her that she might not notice me coming up on her, which wouldn't start this little session off very well.

She eventually realized someone was on the beach behind her and turned and looked in my direction. When she noticed it was me she stood, but didn't start climbing towards me. Instead, she waited to see what I would do, forcing me to come to her. Unsure of whether she just wanted to see what I was going to do or if she was trying to convey a lack of respect, I decided that I was just going to assume it was the first for the moment.

"Bella," she said when I had trekked out to her. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"We need to talk," I said simply.

"Sam send you?" she asked.

I looked out at the ocean, contemplating my next words before finally deciding to answer honestly. "You know I wouldn't be here if he hadn't."

"What is it then?"

"Come on, lets go up on the beach to talk."

"What's wrong with here?"

I pointedly looked around at the slippery rocks under our feet, knowing how dangerous they could be with a wrong step, and said, "Look, Leah, no offense but I don't really trust you temper much as of late. The beach is just safer."

She actually looked offended at my words, maybe even hurt, but she quickly cleared the expression from her face, something I knew she was getting good at. "Fine," she said. "Let's go."

We silently made our way back up to the beach, all the while I mentally prepared myself. When we were on safe land, I didn't bother trying to put it off, instead opting to jump right in to the heart of the matter. "You need to get your bad moods under control, and soon. It's not good for the pack, and it's not good for you."

"Ha! Says the only other person in the pack as fowl-tempered as me," she shot back.

"I may grumble about being a werewolf, but the only one I'm fowl-tempered with is Sam, and only when he issues an order that doesn't sit well with me. You, you're mad at everyone all the time. We all know you hate the pack, but you're stuck with us so maybe it's time you tried working past that hatred."

She shocked me by yelling almost violently at me. "I don't hate the pack! You're wrong about that. It's painful for me to be part of it, but I don't hate the guys."

I noticed her omission of me and wondered if it was done on purpose or not. Ignoring it, I sighed loudly before asking, "Okay, you don't hate the pack. I'm sorry I made assumptions, but I'm not the only one making those assumptions. The guys think the same thing."

"I can't help what they think," she said sullenly.

"You can, actually, by changing the way you act. Stop snapping at everyone. Stop the constant glaring. Stop mouthing off to Sam."

"You mouth off to him too," she accused.

"I'm one of the pack's Beta's. It's my job to mouth off to him a little. Someone has to be there to challenge his authority a little so he doesn't get too cocky or too complacent, which could be dangerous for all of us. The others know that it's not because I don't respect him but because it's my job to both guard his back and to help keep him from taking the pack for granted. You...you don't have that position. When you mouth off to him it's subordination, and because of your history together he feels he has to cut you some slack and let you get away with it. Which undermines his authority. Whether you know it or not, it puts you both in a dangerous situation," I explained, suddenly realizing fully why it had to be me having this conversation with Leah and not Sam.

Sam never could have laid out the dangers of Leah's constant attitude to her. Not only would it have been uncomfortable, but he would have been admitting the power she held over him, which could have been dangerous in its own right. If it came from me, it could still be just speculation, and I could do a better job at showing Leah the dangers to herself as well as to Sam.

"How does it put me in any danger?" she asked.

"Because you're about to reach the point where he won't be able to just let it slide anymore. He's either going to have to humiliate you in front of the others or challenge you, neither of which he wants to do."

She laughed and I knew she wasn't taking my warning seriously. "That's crazy. Why would he have to do such a thing? The pack all worship him, what would they care how I act with him?" she asked.

Sitting down on the sand dune behind us, hoping Leah would follow, it occurred to me that this was why I made such a good Beta, because I understood the instincts of the wolf in us better than anyone else.

I think one of the hardest challenges about becoming a werewolf was understanding the importance both halves of you now played. Our pack was often guilty of not taking the wolf side of them into consideration more. Our wolf instincts played a serious role in how we reacted to situations now, whether we knew it or not. Sam had to always be strong, because if the pack saw any weakness in him the wolf in them would start to get edgy, unsettled. It might not take long after that for someone to challenge him for the Alpha position, even if they hadn't realized they wanted it before then, even if they loved Sam. And somehow I had to make Leah understand all of this.

When she finally sat down next to me, I gave it a shot. "Can you feel the wolf in you?"

"Yeah, of course. I mean, we all can, it's part of who we are now."

"No, I mean, can you feel it trying to make itself known? Maybe you're in a situation that has you feeling a little uneasy and before you might have just waited it out to see if there really was something to worry about. But now you're part wolf, and you're not just reacting with your human instincts, but with your wolf instincts too. Instead of being willing to wait the situation out, the wolf in you is pushing to react, to lash our or to run...it's pushing you to action. But the human half of you still has control, so you fight through your wolf instincts to keep from looking like a lunatic. Do you know what I mean?" I asked, hoping she did.

She didn't answer for so long that I had just about decided she wasn't going to, when finally she said, "Yeah, I know that feeling."

Relieved that she knew what I was talking about, I continued on. "Okay, well I think there's more than a decent chance that if the pack sees any real weakness from Sam that their wolf instincts are going to kick in, making them uneasy. If the situation doesn't fix itself, the chances go up that someone's wolf instincts will overpower their human ones and decide that it will be safer if they're in charge instead of Sam. Even if the person doesn't win the challenge, things will be bad. Sam won't be able to let someone walk away from that without punishing them, and the whole balance of the pack will be thrown off. Maybe someone else will start to think that the first person didn't win because he was too weak, but this other person's instincts are telling them that they're stronger than the first person, that they could win in a challenge. Do you see how it could escalate into a dangerous situation?"

She eyed me skeptically. "You really think all of that could happen just from me getting a little attitude with Sam?"

"First, you have to understand that it's not a little attitude. I give him a little attitude, you give him a lot of attitude. Second, I wouldn't be here doing this if I didn't truly think it was a possibility. I didn't want to have to be the one to bring you up on all of this, I wouldn't have done so if I couldn't see the threat there."

"Thanks a lot. Glad to know how little you like me," she said, her resentment showing.

"Leah, we haven't gotten along since soon after Emily came into the picture, is it really a surprise I wouldn't want to be the one having to tell you to back off?"

Instead of answering, she picked up a couple of rocks and threw them towards the water, giving herself time to calm down, I thought. "You know, it didn't have to be like this," she surprised me with.

"You know I couldn't keep hating Emily. Despite what she and Sam did to you, she's too good of a person to hate for very long."

"That's not what I meant."

Now I was confused, if she wasn't referring to me forgiving Emily, what was she talking about? "I don't understand," I finally said.

"I didn't think you'd go on hating Emily for my sake, forever. But I also didn't expect you to cut me out of your life so thoroughly, once you came around to her. We were friends, I thought I meant more to you than just Sam's girlfriend."

"What are you talking about? You cut me off! I would have stayed friends with you if you had let me." I practically yelled, feeling somewhat insulted by her accusation.

"No, Bella, I didn't cut you off. I tried maintaining our friendship after Sam and I broke up, but you disappeared on me, slowly but surely. You stopped returning my calls and whenever I stopped by your house you weren't there. You fell off my map just as effectively as Sam had when he disappeared, just not as dramatically. So not only did Emily get Sam, she also got you," she said, with obvious bitterness in her voice.

My first instinct was to deny her accusations. I would never have just abandoned her like that, not when she was already going through so much. But the pain in her voice made me pause, to consider her words carefully.

I remembered her bitterness and misery. I remembered how mad she was at Sam at the time, how much she hated Emily. I thought I remembered her pushing me away, until slowly I just decided she didn't want to be around me anymore. Closing my eyes, I started doubting my perception of this for the first time.

What if what I remembered as her pushing me away was actually me pushing her away? I remembered telling Charlie to tell her I wasn't home when she called a couple of times, but I didn't think it was every time. I remember spending a lot of time up at Sam's house, but didn't think I'd been avoiding her, I had thought it was the other way around.

I was only thirteen at the time, though, and I knew that I hadn't been handling the situation well. I was upset that they broke up and so, so sad for Leah. I remembered feeling guilt over eventually liking Emily. Could I have actually convinced myself that Leah was dumping me from her life, so that I wouldn't have to deal with the sadness and guilt I felt whenever I was around her?

I laid back onto the sand dune, covering my eyes with my hands. "Oh god," I said, knowing her version of things was possibly the right version. How could I have gone all of this time thinking she had dropped me from her life, resenting her for doing so, when all along it was probably me who had dropped her?

I felt ill. There was so much regret in me that it was making me feel nauseous. I couldn't believe I had so royally screwed things up. I couldn't believe how much I had hurt Leah.

"Oh god, Leah, I'm so sorry," I said to her, knowing how little an apology would make up for what I had done to her. "All this time I thought you were pushing me away. I thought you were so mad at Sam that some of that anger carried over to me. Instead, I pushed you away so that I wouldn't have to deal with my own emotions. I'm so sorry."

As I spoke, I sat up to face her, catching a look of surprise on her face. I could only guess that she expected me to deny everything, not that I would apologize to her.

"I don't need you to apologize, Bella. You were still a kid in a lot of ways, it's not your fault the situation was too emotional for you to handle. I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty, I just...I just sometimes find myself wishing that my friendship with you hadn't been a casualty of Sam breaking up with me."

I didn't really know what to say. I tried to imagine picking our friendship up where we had left off, but with everything that had happened and all the current pack politics, I had a hard time envisioning it. But I didn't want to just shrug her off, either. At one point, Leah had meant a lot to me, I didn't think I could just walk away from her if she was offering me a second chance.

I don't know how long we sat there like that while my mind was a jumbled mess, before she finally said, "Just leave it for now. You've had a lot to process, we don't need to figure anything out today. Just think about it, okay?"

Knowing I couldn't let it go without asking, I said, "You'd really want to try to be friends again at this point, considering everything that's happened between us? And considering I'm Sam's Beta?"

"I'm not sure if you noticed, Bella, but I haven't exactly got a lot of friends around me right now. I still can't tolerate most people since my change. I think starting a friendship up with you again might hurt to begin with, but you're one of the few people I'd consider worth taking the risk."

I nodded my head to signify I understood, but couldn't give much more of a response than that right now. I had a lot to think about. I had to decide whether I wanted to pick up a friendship with Leah again, and what doing so could possibly mean for Sam, and for the pack. I had to think through what it could do to Emily, as well, as I didn't want to hurt her either.

Deciding I needed some time and some distance between me and Leah right now, I stood up and brushed myself off. Leah followed suit. "You'll think about it?" she asked.

"I will," I answered, simply.

"Good. And I'll think about everything you've told me today, too."

I looked at her seriously, knowing I had to make my point, that it was my job to. "Please, Leah, do. Even if you can't do it for Sam's sake, do it for your own. Nothing good will come from you going on like you've been. Take some time if you have to, get some distance from the pack, do whatever you have to do to move past this."

She nodded her head, letting me know she was taking me seriously, then walked away, giving me my space. I only hoped she'd be able to get to a point where she could let some of the bitterness go, otherwise life would get a lot more complicated.

Standing there motionless for a long while, I worked through processing everything that had just happened. It wasn't easy seeing something you'd believed for three years stripped away from you to make room for a new reality. Finally, I decided I was going to need another run.

It was rare that I ran two days in a row, yet alone twice in one day, but when I was dealing with a lot of turmoil in my life, running was the easiest way to work through it. And right now, I was filled with sadness, guilt, and regret. If I didn't run, I'd be miserable until I next did.

I pulled out my cell to check the time and was happy to see I'd have enough time before dinner at Uncle Billy's to get in a nice long run. I debated calling Jake to let him know what was going on, but knew he'd want to join me if I did, so decided against it.

Wolves were social creatures by nature, it's why we did so well in packs, we were internally wired for it. We rarely ran alone, preferring to run in groups whenever possible, it was just more fun having someone to romp around with once you changed. Every once in a while I felt the need for some solitude, and I'd sneak off on my own, but it wasn't a regular occurrence. To the best of my knowledge, only Leah opted to run on her own more often than not.

I took off in the direction of the forest, knowing that I'd be able to skirt around the reservation from here. Which was good, it meant I was a lot less likely to run into someone who would want to join me.

Even running in my human form was helping to soothe me, so I knew changing was just what I needed to work through some of what I was feeling. I quickly made it to the forrest and found a spot to stash my clothes so that I could change. I put my cell on mute so that anyone who happened to be in the vicinity if it happened to ring wouldn't hear it. I doubted anyone would get that close to my stuff, but it never hurt to be extra cautious.

Once I felt sure my clothes were hidden enough, I braced myself for the change. When I was done, I paused, as I always did, to give myself time to shake off the pain. I hoped that one day the change wouldn't hurt so much, but I didn't put a lot of faith in the I felt okay again, I took off at a full run.

Unlike my earlier run with Jake, this one was all about letting the wolf in me take over. I pushed my body as hard as I could, picked up as much speed as I could manage. I practically flew through the forest, my feet barely touching the ground as I ran.

My body rejoiced in the freedom it was being given, as I ran as fast as I could manage through the forest around me. I was so happy to be out running for the second time in one day. It was an odd feeling of pure joy mixed in with the sadness and the guilt. I guess I was forever the halfling; half Quileute, half white, half human, half wolf. Maybe I was just destined to always be at odds with myself.

Running mindlessly for a while, not really caring where I went, I just needed to move for a while. After a while, though, it occurred to me that there was actually somewhere I wanted to run to. So jumping over a fallen tree trunk, I hit the ground again and changed directions, making a beeline towards my destination. It was a couple of miles from where I was, but I was up for it.

It didn't take me long to get there, and I enjoyed every minute of the run there, so it was worth the trip. It was a spot I liked to come to whenever I could. It was a large field surrounded by the forrest on three of its sides, with a small stream acting as its last border. It was so far off the beaten path that I felt safe coming here, sure that no one would accidentally stumble on me.

I approached the edge of the field cautiously, knowing I had to take stock of the situation before I ran out in the open. When I could see, hear, or smell nothing out of the ordinary, I ventured out. While the field was beautiful in its own right, covered as it was with wild flowers, it was really the stream I came here for. As much as I loved the ocean, it was just too chaotic to offer me any real peace. The lazy trickling of the stream offered more appeal to me.

Technically, I wasn't supposed to come here, and definitely not by myself. I was off tribal land, which meant any of the protections offered me against the vampires were non-existent here. If I ran into one of them here, they were within their rights to attack me. And while I might be able to fend off one vampire alone, if that one brought any friends I'd be in trouble. I'd have to outrun them.

Luckily for me, they seemed to have no interest in this little spot. In all my time coming here, I'd never seen or smelt anything that led me to believe they even knew of this place's existence.

Sam would flip a lid if he knew I came here, though I wasn't actually disobeying him. He told me I couldn't run border patrol, which I didn't. Sure, leaving tribal land in wolf form was discouraged, even more so when you were on your own, but it wasn't actually forbidden.

Making my way over to the stream, I looked around one last time, trying to sense any other possible presences in the area. When I found none, I took a chance and changed back into human form. I'd be completely naked, but I didn't mind. I'd gotten used to being naked by that point, and I wanted to enjoy this little respite in my human form. Plus, it's not like anyone was around to see me.

When I was human again I went and sat right at the water's edge, looking over at my reflection. I considered my appearance, as I often did. As a child of two world's, it was hard not to look at my reflection and notice the things that set me apart from both of those worlds.

My skin was pale, almost porcelain in color. I definitely took after Charlie when it came to skin color. I got my mom's hair and eyes though. My large, dark brown eyes stood out in my pale face. My dark tresses hung down the length of my back and was my one source of vanity. I loved my hair. Even amongst a tribe full of men and women with dark hair like mine, it stood out. It had a light curl to it that gave it body, and was always shiny and silky. I should have cut it when I became a wolf, like Leah did hers, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

My lips were full and pouty, and one day I hoped to grow into them, but knew that currently they just stood out on my face, too large for the rest of my features. I was on the small side, thin and only about 5'3. I wasn't a great beauty, not by any means, but I thought one day I'd have a chance at being at least pretty, when I wasn't so tiny and awkward looking. One day, I kept telling myself.

Being a wolf, my small stature had both advantages and disadvantages. People and animals tended to underestimate me, but what they didn't realize is though I was small, I had the strength that came with my species. I might not be as strong as Sam or Jake, but I could hold my ground against most attackers. I was fast in both a fight and as a runner, and I was smart and I listened to both my wolf instincts and my human ones. If I hadn't changed, I knew I'd always have been at a disadvantage because of my size. But being a wolf, my small size gave me some added benefits.

When it first became apparent that I'd become the second pack Beta, there were a few in the pack who were not happy. Not only was I the last to change, among the youngest in the pack, only half Quileute, but I was also about half the size of the others. My having authority over them didn't sit well. They'd have been fools to not have challenged me, which of course, some of them did.

Paul was the first to do so. It wasn't a fight to the death or anything, but there had to be a clear winner. Paul was stronger than me, but I was faster and smarter. Despite his best efforts, I managed to pin him with my teeth poised around his throat, ready to bite should he not admit defeat. Luckily for both of us, he stood down.

Jared was both my next and last challenger. He changed shortly after Sam did and was amongst the oldest in the pack, which meant that if leadership wasn't determined by bloodlines, he probably would have been second in command. It was a much closer match with him but, again, I managed to win.

After that, we started thinking about what having two Beta's meant, and how someone would most likely have to challenge both of us to take the position, so I felt pretty confident that between that and winning my first two challenges, I wouldn't have to worry about any of the others in the pack challenging me. Plus, they no longer seemed to harbor animosity towards me. We all got along well and I think I've gained their respect.

I tossed a few rocks into the stream, watching as they disturbed the water, sending little waves rippling out. I thought about life with the pack, and how much my life had changed since I'd become a werewolf. I thought about Leah and everything she said. I hoped things would be better between her and the pack now.

I sat like that by the water, soaking up the sun and clearing my head as much as I could, for about an hour. Sighing, I knew I had to be heading back soon. Not only was I due at Uncle Billy's soon, but there was a good chance Jake would be getting worried about me by now, which I didn't want to happen.

Standing, I brushed the dirt off my backside, just about to change back into my wolf form, when I heard it. It was a quiet breaking of a twig. If I had been human, I never would have caught it. But with wolf senses, I was able to pick up on it, and I felt sure that the sound had been made by something heavy, something large...which meant something possibly dangerous.

Scanning my surroundings, looking for anything out of place, I listened for any other sounds that might give whoever, or whatever was in the vicinity away. I tried to smell for whatever was there, but the wind was blowing from the opposite direction the sound had come from, which meant that unless they moved upwind of me or just really, really smelled, that particular sense wouldn't be of any help.

Finally, some movement right at the edge of the forest gave him away; and I could see now that it was a him, a human him to be exact.

He looked about my age, maybe late teens, early twenties if you pushed it. He was tall, I guessed over six foot, with skin as pale as mine. His bronze hair looked wild, as if he too had just been through a good run in the forest. He was too far away for me to make out his eye color, but I could see they were dark.

My breath caught in my throat as I realized how good looking this person was. It was like he was straight out of a fashion magazine or off the big screen. I'd never seen someone as beautiful in real life.

We just stood there staring at each other, I think both shocked to come across another person out here so far. Then I realized that I was completely naked, and knew he was probably feeling a little more shocked than I was at the moment, what with stumbling on a naked girl out in the middle of the woods and all. With a gasp, I ducked down below the tall grass in the field between us, using it as a shield.

While I was comfortable being naked, I wasn't comfortable being naked in front of some guy I didn't know. I couldn't see it, but I was sure my cheeks were bright red with embarrassment. I didn't know what I could do to fix the situation, though. My clothes were miles away and the only way I could get out of there without him seeing me naked again was to change into my wolf form, which I absolutely could not do in front of a human.

I peaked up over the grass, the wolf in me not letting me stay blind to his location for too long. He was still standing there in the same spot, with a slight smile on his face. I wasn't worried about his intentions, as he posed no real threat to me, but his smile didn't look malicious anyway; he looked amused actually.

I was just about at the point of asking him if he would be polite enough to walk away and let me leave the area with what little dignity I could manage still intact, when the wind suddenly changed direction.

Sensing something was off, I closed my eyes in order to focus more on my sense of smell, which is when I realized why he smelled odd. With a gasp I couldn't contain, I stood up and whispered one word before I took off running through the field, not caring whether he watched me bolt past him naked or not.

With a sense of panic that I was doing my best to clamp down on, I monitored his location the entire time I ran, knowing I'd have to cross in front of him to get out of there, but not sensing any movement from him. As soon as I reached the border of the forest, I changed into my wolf form, not even giving myself time to adjust to the change. I just pushed my body onward as hard as it would go.

Running as fast as I could all the way back through the forest to the reservation, the entire time listening for pursuit, I kept a lookout for any possible traps in front of me. I knew I couldn't let panic take over, doing so would just lead to mistakes. So I was careful as I ran, trying to be smart as I flew over the land.

I didn't allow myself to slow down until I crossed into tribal land. I knew that I'd be safe there, so I allowed my body to recover some from being pushed so hard, but I didn't stop moving. Just because I should have been out of danger once I crossed into Quileute territory didn't mean that I actually was.

I didn't feel safe again until I reached my clothes. At that point, I knew I was close enough to the rez to feel confident that I hadn't been followed. I quickly changed and fell over onto my hands and knees, panting and out of breath. My side hurt from having to run so hard, but I knew it had been a necessity. I silently thanked my body for not having given out on me.

When I was composed enough, I quickly threw my clothes on, making sure my cell was still tucked into my pocket. I turned and surveyed the forrest around me, looking for any sign that I had been followed, just to be sure, but seeing none.

Sitting there silently for a few minutes, I wondered whether I should report what happened to Sam or not. Finally, I decided that he didn't need to know. Nothing had really happened. I'd made it back okay and no laws had been broken. Shaking my head in an effort to clear it, I turned to head back into town, but was unable to stop myself from whispering the word again, the one that had made me flee in a panic.

"_Vampire_."

**A/N:**

_So, what did you think? What about the encounter in the field, what are your thoughts? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Drop me a review and I'd be much appreciative.  
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